TGTMB

I’m back in the saddle with episode 5 of TGTMB - so look out.

Check out the full text of the episode - along with links where appropriate - below the cut.

See ya ’round.

Read more…

 

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Filed under: At the Table, On My Radar, podcast episode

Last week, I did a fairly rash thing. I posted that I was putting TGTMB on ice, stopping the podcast, and focusing on trying to have fun just playing again. I also shut off comments for this site, removed myself from most of the discussion forums I was recently frequenting, and even quietly removed myself from membership in the RPG Podcasters’ Yahoo group.

I still feel like I’m facing a very valid problem in terms of waking up and discovering that over the past year I have wasted far too much energy and emotion on rpg analysis/theory/philosophy/debate and far too little time just enjoying my hobby through fun and interesting play.

It’s a valid problem that demands some changes, yes. But geez, I over-reacted.

Yesterday, a good friend of mine - a man whose wisdom and perspective I trust - very rightly took me to task for abandoning the people who are invested in taking the TGTMB journey with me while giving them no real explanation, warning, or opportunity to ask questions.

I have to admit, I had not really thought much about that. I mean, I made a pretty big deal out of inviting people who are interested to “take this journey with me”, even putting that invitation in my podcast’s intro bit. But I downplayed the idea that anyone really had taken me up on that. I let emotion get the best of me. See, what I’ve been seeing is subscription numbers in the high 70s and a “reach” (Feedburner’s estimate of who is actually listening) in the low 20s. On top of that, I was getting about 25 spam comments on the site for every one legitimate comment, and grew really tired of managing all that. Add to that the fact that I’d already begun to get back into the habit of bloating the hell out of my essays, trying to make them perfect and content-rich to the point where it was getting cumbersome to produce the show. But what really broke it for me was that I recently let myself get into a couple of online debates via various forums and had been met with a whole lot of resistance and outright anger, and very little support. Basically this led me to the conclusion that what I had to say was either so outlandish, or my ability to express it was so inept - or both - that I was just causing trouble and wasting energy. In my head, I know that the Internet is a horrible place to try to conduct informed and reasonable discussion. In my head, I know that anyone who tries to articulate and share non-traditional “hippie” ideas about roleplaying is going to be met with misunderstanding and vehemence. I get that, but it was still a lot to handle. And whether it is true or not, I also felt like I was not getting much support from the people whom I believed would be relatively supportive. And I’m the type of guy who thinks, well, if my friends are not bothering to support what I’m trying to say, or even gently help me clarify myself, then I must be WAY off. I need to shut up.

Juxtapose all that with the fact that I’ve realized that I’m a guy whose passion is to be an actor/director who has suddenly awakened to find I’m pretty much always being a critic. Even in play, I was thinking not in terms of fun or enjoyment or immersion, but “how is this going to sound to the listeners”, “can I live up to the standards I set?” and “what is wrong with this session that I can skewer and analyze?” Yuck. I hate that, but I became that.

I wonder, have any of the theory discussions about stance ever coined a type of stance called “critic stance”? Because that’ what I’ve been doing.

I don’t want to do that anymore.

However, as I said at the beginning, I over-reacted. Do I want to re-focus on having fun, socializing, enjoying actual play, and lightening the hell up? Yes absolutely I do. And that remains my #1 priority at this point and I won’t back down from that goal. However, does that mean that I should just dump the podcast, dump the people who have become invested in this thing, who take the time to listen and give feedback? No. And I apologize for doing that.

Now, I’m not sure how this is going to play out. I don’t know when I’ll podcast again, and when I do, I don’t know if “The Game That May Be” is the right title anymore because I no longer want to focus on the may be and the could be, I want to focus on play. Play Now. What’s happening in my play, not what might happen if I try this or that. And I’m not sure how effective it is for me to try to lone-wolf this thing. I feel like I’m talking AT people instead of with people. Maybe I need some discussion and conversation. So I need to think about this, and I don’t know for sure what the result will be. But I’ve turned comments back on, I’ll put this post out as audio on the feed for those folks who listen but don’t read, and I’ll invite input. I’ll admit it. I need some validation and direction here. I’m in a pretty shaky area right now. But I can at least commit to not going and hiding under a rock, thanks to a well-timed and heartfelt admonishment from my wise friend Mr. Perez.

 

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Filed under: Meta, podcast episode

Noted scientist Edward Lorenz died at age 90 on Wednesday, April 16th. Lorenz was one of the pioneers of chaos theory and the guy who coined the term “the butterfly effect.”

Personally, I’m thinking this matters to roleplayers at least as much as the recent death of Gary Gygax, and here’s why: if there were no butterfly effect, no one could have made the claim that there would be no roleplaying hobby today if not for Gary Gygax.

So, when you get together and play your favorite rpg this week, roll some dice in memory of Edward Lorenz.

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Filed under: Half-Baked Musings, On My Radar

I am so busy with client work this week (admittedly, not a bad thing for a freelancer) that there’s no way I can finish getting TGTMB episode 5 ready this week. I’ll work on it next week and release it when it’s done. Thanks for your patience. I’ll be focusing on immersion, stance, “metagaming”, and related stuff for ep 5.

Semi-tangent: I think that bi-weekly is a much more realistic release schedule goal for the show anyway. I’m really juggling way too much stuff to be able to put out a show weekly, even if it is 15-20 minutes long.

Okay, but I DO want to toss a couple of tidbits at you this week. I listened to three podcast episodes over the past few days that were really potent, in my opinion. They are:

Virtual Play ep. 27: Player Stance
Why: because Mel’s talking about stance, which is what I’m going to be talking about. And he gives play examples.

Stabbing Contest ep. 12: Convo with Ben Lehman II
Why: the whole thing is good in an organic conversation kind of way. But the “why” is the last ten minutes, where Ogre and Ben talk about roleplaying and real life, morality, philosophy, culture, all that deep stuff. Very insightful.

Theory from the Closet ep. 33: Theory Refresher
Why: because Clyde gives a great and fairly succinct overview of all the theory topics he covered in his earlier shows, and explains why they matter.

If you haven’t listened to those, I highly recommend them. TGTMB episode 5 will reference several of the things shared in those shows. Plus, they’re just good shows.

Last thing - I actually did record a few minutes of audio on my iRiver a couple days ago while I was running errands. I whined about how I feel like I’ve lost my rpg mojo - something is definitely short-circuited in my brain, because all attempts to play any games lately - most notably the Dresden Files session I was in a few days ago - have been really falling short. I’m in total deer-in-the-headlights mode. My brain freezes up anytime I’m trying to figure out what I want my characters to do or say. Anyway, the recorded whine-fest is not useful for public release, so I’ve canned it. But I think I will want to talk about my loss of mojo - but instead of doing it myself, talking at you, I think I’ll try to get a guest host or someone I can chat about it with. Some things are better done in conversation.

So, more on that front down the road.

Until next time, go play!

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Filed under: Meta, On My Radar

I’ve finally gotten around to the task of re-working the basic character concept I’ve developed for my main The Dresden Files RPG player character, Theo Mendaharin. This is the character I’ve made for the play session I’m going to be in with the crew of The Game Master Show, but I’ve re-tooled some things from the original concept. The biggest change is that I’ve decided to take a suggestion from the folks on the DFRPG Bleeders playtest group and try out a lower skill point pool and a lower skill cap. So, Theo’s skills will be a little less potent than many of the starting characters have been in other playtests so far. The default has been 35 skill points with a cap of Superb, I’m going for either 30 points or 25 points (probably 25) with a cap of Great. If you don’t know what any of that means, look over SotC or listen to Rob and Fred partially explain it on the latest episode of Rob Bohl’s excellent podcast The Independent Insurgency.

The story-descriptors in the phases are currently very sketchy, because I want to weave this guy into the group before I go too much further with the descriptors. So, some aspects may change, and the backstory will expand a bit. But overall, this will give you an idea of the direction I want to take the character.

Without further ado, here is …

Theo Mendaharin

Aspects

High Concept: Disenchanted Wizard

Personal Struggle: The Call of Duty, the Lure of the Road

Background: Better Dead than Red (Grew up in Indy, mentor and family killed by Red Court, had to kill some of his own family after they were turned)

Rising Conflict: I’ve Seen Things You People Wouldn’t Believe (wandering soul, worldwalker, misfit)

First Story: I Know She’s Out There Somewhere (lost love who may now be a Red Vampire)

Guest 1: I Touch the Fire and It Freezes Me (Theo has lost so much and become so jaded that he just wants to walk away and wander the Nevernever, the only place he feels any emotional resonance)

Guest 2: The Heavy Grey Cloak (Vampire War and shortage of wardens forces White Council to appoint Theo as Warden of Indianapolis, so he must stay and protect his city.)

Skills (30 pts):

• GREAT: [2] – Discipline Alertness
• GOOD: [3] – Weapons Athletics Lore
• FAIR: [4] – Intimidation Conviction Presence Fists
• AVG: [5] – Resources Rapport Endurance Contacts Investigation

Stunts/Permissions/Powers

• Wizard
• The Sight
• Soulgaze
• Wizard’s Constitution
• Evocation: Spirit-focused
• Thaumaturgy

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Filed under: Bleeding for Dresden